Babysitting
by SunnyDropped
Summary: Jasper is totally not thrilled with the idea of babysitting Renesmee. But soon enough, he learns that having a half-human niece comes with wonderful benefits. Rated for a make out scene and Emmett's sense of humor.


**Hey guys. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been busy. I hope you like this though. I wanna thank Pixar for betaing, giving me the overall idea, and helping me with the final joke. Love ya. Anyway.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

Babysitting

She has got to be kidding me! "You're joking."

Alice shook her head and grinned. "Nope. Why would I be?"

I gulped, my eyes wide.

My wife giggled. "Oh come on, Jasper. It's just for one day."

One day? She said it like it was a piece of cake. Honestly, going shopping with her nonstop, around the world, for a _week_ would be easier than just a _day_ of this.

When you're a vampire, time means nothing. It becomes just words to know where you are and what to do next.

"Remind me again why we're doing this?"

The two of us were walking down the path that led to Bella and Edward's cottage. We were travelling slow; Alice kept pausing to sniff the newly sprung spring flowers.

"Because you're a good uncle and I'm a wonderful aunt!" She flashed another grin and reached for my hand. Instead, I picked her up and threw her over my back, piggyback style.

"Edward wanted to take Bella to Alaska to hunt some bears. Rose and Emmett wanted to go as well, and Esme wanted to visit the Denali clan so naturally Carlisle would go too, and—"

"Were we not invited?" I asked in a low voice.

"Of course we were. But we just got back."

"So?"

"So…Bella was afraid of bringing Nessie along. She didn't want her to get scared or bored."

I rolled my eyes. Typical Bella…

"What about Jacob? I'm sure he'd love to—" She cut me off.

"He would've, but couldn't. He has some pack business to take care of and he missed his daddy." Alice laughed at that last part.

"So we're stuck with her."

Alice slapped me on the top of my head. "I offered."

"But why?" I whined. "I was hoping we could spend some time together. You know. Alone…?"

She squeezed her legs tighter around my waist and kissed my cheek. "We can tomorrow."

I sighed.

"Besides!" she cried. "We get to play House!"

I rolled my eyes and ran the rest of the way to the cottage.

* * *

"…and here's a frozen pizza, extra blood servings, although she should be okay; she and Jake hunted last night…"

Bella was showing us around her home, carrying Nessie. We—Edward, Alice and I—were following her around like loyal puppies, nodding at appropriate times, even though we knew were everything was and Alice had tried to assure her that everything would be okay.

"Bedtime's whenever she falls asleep, but if it gets too late, don't let her stay up no matter what she says…" Bella's voice trailed off. She stared into the distance and stroked Renesmee's hair absentmindedly. "Oh, I just know I'm forgetting something…"

Alice rolled her eyes; Edward grinned. I, however, stood there in a stony silence. I was not looking forward to this at all. What if something happened to Nessie? To my family while they were gone? What if—?

Edward cut off my thoughts by placing a hand on my shoulder and giving me a look that said, "Seriously, dude. Shut up and chill out."

I sighed.

Nessie was stroking her mother's face, obviously sending her soothing messages.

But Bella wasn't relaxing; she kept muttering, "I know, I know, but what if…?" She was as nervous as I was; she'd never been away from her baby any longer than I'd been alone with her.

It was apparent Renesmee was getting tired of her mother's unnecessary worrying. So she said in her clear voice, "Momma, hush. It's all going to be fine. Daddy'll keep you safe and I'll have lots of fun with Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper." She flashed me a grin.

Finally Bella smiled. "You're right, sweetie. Silly me."

She gently placed Nessie into Alice's outstretched arms; Edward wrapped his arms around his wife. The girl placed her hand on Alice's cheek and she smiled as Edward did.

"Nessie says it's time to go," he whispered in Bella's ear.

We laughed, and with lots of hugs and kisses, the new parents departed with Esme, Carlisle, Rose and Emmett, who had been waiting outside.

"So," Alice said, carrying Nessie into the living room. I followed. "What do you want to do?"

Nessie shrugged. Alice sat on the couch with the girl in her lap.

"What about you, Jasper?"

What did I want to do? Honestly, I wanted to get out of this place.

But Renesmee stretched her arms out to me. I stared at her. She wanted me to hold her. Why? She placed her hand on Alice's cheek once more. Alice smiled and said, "She wants to show you something, Jazzy."

I cleared my throat. Awkwardly, I reached out and grabbed Nessie and pulled her onto my lap. I sensed the excitement and love rolling off of her. It made me uncomfortable; I'd never sensed it from anyone other than Alice when we were…well, you know.

Sure, I'd experienced Renesmee's fascinating gift before, but it never failed to shock me. She placed her soft hand to my cheek, and I saw that in her closet there was a bunch of board games that Charlie had given her. She told me he was all too enthusiastic to buy his one and only granddaughter toys. I laughed.

"What'd she say?" Alice asked.

"Board games," I replied, "in her closet."

My wife ran to grab them and was back in a flash with CandyLand, Chutes and Ladders, Sorry, and Trouble.

"You pick, Nessie."

Renesmee tapped her chin thoughtfully with the hand that wasn't on my face. Then she flashed "You're in TROUBLE, Uncle Jazz" in my thoughts, and I relayed this message to Alice.

"Perfect. I'm beast at this game."

I rolled my eyes at her modesty, as did Nessie. Alice just grinned.

Renesmee hopped off my lap and sat in the floor next to her aunt. I copied her, and we silently set up the game board.

We popped the bubble to see who would go first. Nessie rolled a six, Alice a five, and I a one. Greattt.

Smiling, Nessie popped again, and got another six. Her smile widened to a grin as she moved one of her "men" out and rolled again. Six. My brow furrowed, as did Alice's. I wondered if she knew the winner of this game…

After another pop, Nessie finally rolled a five, so it was Alice's turn. She got a four.

My turn! I closed my eyes and pressed down on the bubble. Five.

I rolled my eyes.

Renesmee rolled three more sixes; all her men were out and one was halfway around the board. Already.

Alice rolled a one. So much for being a beast…I managed to get a six, but on my extra turn I rolled a two.

Nessie continued to get sixes, much to Alice's dismay and mine. When we were finally allowed to take a turn, Alice got out and I moved five more spaces.

This was getting annoying. Sure, the girl was a genius, but this was a game of _chance_, not strategy. Besides, strategy's my game…

Barely five minutes had passed and already a four month old was killing us.

"Umm…Ness? I think we know how this is going to turn out. Can we stop and do something else?" Alice suggested.

Renesmee just smiled and shook her head. "Let's please finish."

So the girl wanted to watch us suffer. Of course. Alice and I looked at each other and sighed. I gave her an "I told you so" look and she stuck her tongue out at me.

The game continued with Alice. She squealed in delight when she rolled double sixes, but her next try brought a one. I too got the rest of my men out of home, but my luck ran out with a four.

Nessie won on her next turn, never breaking her six-streak. She clapped excitedly after she placed her final man in the safe zone. Alice and I couldn't help but laugh and clap with her, but it hit me that it had only taken six minutes and thirty nine seconds to finish. And we weren't even going at vampire-speed.

This was going to be a long day. Alice seemed to be thinking the same thing, because she bit her lip and paused before asking, "So what now?"

Renesmee leaned in and pressed her hands to Alice's and my face. She showed us walking along the river, then wading and skipping rocks. Alice smiled. Nessie stood and held her hands out for ours. We grabbed them and walked outside together.

As we walked, Nessie skipped and swung our hands. Alice and I lifted her up off the ground and she giggled happily. It was cute.

We walked to the shallowest part of the river. I rolled up my pant legs as Alice rolled Nessie's (she herself was wearing short shorts—to show off her legs.)

I can't quite say the water was cold, but the flow of the current was refreshing. I stood silently, watching for big fish aiming to bite my toes.

_SPLASH!_

And that was my favorite shirt, too!

I whirled around to see not Renesmee looking guilty, but my wife. Nessie looked like she was about to burst; her eyes were filled with tears of laughter. I raised my eyebrows at Alice, and she bit her lip, eyes wide. I got into my hunting crouch, and growled. Then I jumped at Alice, and together we flew back to the shore. I landed on top of her.

"Oh no you didn't," she whispered. I nodded, and grinned.

"It's on!" Alice and I rolled over each other. I could hear Nessie running after us, and laughing. Suddenly Alice stopped; she was on top. She kissed my nose, and then gestured for Renesmee to join us. We made sort of a sandwich—Nessie in the middle, and Alice and I formed a cage around her. We began to roll again. I was almost afraid we would squish her, but the little girl's giggles told me otherwise. The musical sound of her laughter was contagious, and soon my wife and I were laughing too.

We rolled and rolled and rolled until…I hit a tree. We unraveled, still laughing, and laid in the soft grass for a while. Then Nessie sighed, and kissed Alice's cheek, then mine. "Fun stuff," she whispered.

* * *

Back at the house, I stole one of Edward's t shirts and headed back out to the living room. Nessie was laying on the couch, reading Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_. I could hear Alice in the kitchen, humming and prancing around, presumably making her niece's lunch. I absentmindedly walked to the CD player on top of the TV, and looked through some of Edward's many discs. I grabbed Mozart and inserted it.

I didn't have the appreciation for music that my brother did, but I couldn't help from swaying to the first track.

Alice appeared behind me; wrapping her arms around my waist. I turned, and took her hands in mine. We danced some made up waltz that surprisingly went to the music. Dramatic dips and twists—when the song finally ended, I was panting. It was a lovely work out.

Renesmee clapped for us. Alice bowed. "Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week."

I laughed, and walked over to the couch. I held my hand out for Nessie. "May I have this dance?" She bit her lip and nodded. I lifted her into my arms, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Alice replaced her on the couch. I stood in the middle of the room, waiting for the next song to begin.

Ah ha! Ode to Joy! My favorite. It was easy to create dance steps to this one, because I knew the tune so well. I was leaping all around the living room, kitchen, and furniture with Nessie in my arms, laughing happily.

Maybe this whole babysitting thing wasn't so bad after all. I mean, it's not like Renesmee's demonic.

The song ended, and Nessie pressed her hand to my face. _Thank you_, she said. Then she hugged me, and released.

The timer on the oven dinged, and Alice jumped up to retrieve the pizza. She brought out two slices for Nessie, plus a cup of blood. The smell was delicious—the blood, not the pizza—but it was easy to resist the craving. I was getting much better at this.

Alice turned on the TV, and we were just in time to catch an airing of High School Musical. I smirked at the stupidity of it all, but watched in silence nonetheless.

Nessie managed to fall asleep, so Alice and I snuck away to sit in the kitchen. Alice laid her head in my lap, and we talked about random things before we heard the little girl stir in the next room.

"Aunt Alice?"

"In the kitchen, sweetie," she called. "What's up?"

The pitter-patter of footsteps sounded, and Renesmee popped her head around the corner, grinning. She came and sat in my now vacant lap.

"Hmm…" Alice murmured. She looked at Nessie questioningly. "Do you know any hand games?"

Renesmee shook her head.

"Well! I'll just have to teach you some then!" Alice moved so that she was facing Ness. "All you have to do is copy what I do. Okay? We'll start out simple."

"Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can. Rooooooll it." Nessie rolled her hands like Alice. "Paaaaaaaaat it." She patted. "And mark it with a…N? Put it in oven for Nessie and me!"

I clapped. "That was good. The first time she tried to teach me, I couldn't keep up."

"You know these?" Renesmee asked. I nodded.

"Show me!" she squealed. I scooted her off my lap, and faced Alice.

"Which one, love?" she asked.

"You pick."

"Slide. We'll start of slow and then show her what you've got." She grinned.

Our hand game began slowly. Nessie nodded once she got how it was done. I looked at Alice; she nodded and our pace picked up. Soon our hands were flying vampire speed, and by the number 120, you couldn't even see what we were doing anymore.

Renesmee cackled with pleasure. "I want to play with Uncle Jazz!"

Alice and her switched positions. It took several tries to get past five, but Nessie and I were quickly clapping with super speed.

We spent the next hour on the floor of the kitchen, Alice teaching Nessie all the hand games she knew. The little girl mastered them all. When her arms got tired, we continued to sit and chat about everything. Our family. The future ahead of us all. Jacob. The Volturi's visit, and our departure. Our favorite animals to hunt.

It was a nice and relaxed atmosphere, and for the first time since hearing about this job, I felt at peace.

Nessie's growling stomach told us that it was time to wrap things up and feed her again. She grabbed her cup of blood and finished it off, and drank another. Then, according to Alice, it was bath time, and I was excused. So I walked back to the living room, and picked up Nessie's copy of _Romeo and Juliet_. She was at the part where Romeo visited Juliet after her party, and he was confessing his undying love for her.

That's the only part I ever really liked of that play, other than the end when they all died.

But, I was bored, and I didn't know how long the bathing would take, so I read. When my wife and niece emerged from the bathroom, I had finished and was lounging with my eyes closed. Alice sat on my stomach and Nessie on my knees so that Alice could braid her hair.

Then Alice started singing one of those lame songs from that lame movie we watched.

"We're all in this together…"

I threw a pillow at her; she threw it back. I hit Renesmee with one on the head, and she did the same to me.

"Pillow fight!" Alice screamed. And so it began—the ultimate vampire pillow war.

We knocked each other around until there were feathers everywhere. More than when Edward and Bella honeymooned on Isle Esme; I laughed inwardly, remembering how hard Emmett and I had teased Edward about that for weeks after we heard the story.

Good times, _good_ times.

The clock on the mantle said it was nine, and I could tell Nessie was getting tired; she kept yawning and rubbing her eyes. I don't remember the last time I yawned…

Alice, Renesmee and I settled onto the couch once more. This time we watched perhaps one of the greatest Disney movies of all time—Finding Nemo. Nessie didn't even make it to the part where they lost Nemo though; she was fast asleep in Alice arms. I sighed, and Alice went to tuck her into her bed.

She was back in a flash, and she settled onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning in to kiss me deeply. I smiled against her lips.

"Can we go somewhere else?" I whispered. "Wouldn't want to wake her up…"

Alice nodded, never breaking the contact of her lips on my skin. I stood up and she wrapped her arms around my waist, kissing down my neck. I flew to Edward and Bella's bedroom, and straight into the huge closet. Alice let go with her legs, still holding onto my neck, and I recaptured her lips with mine.

We moved together, like two parts in a machine. We were like a song; she the melody and I the harmony. I was a puzzle, and she was the very last piece that completed the whole of me.

Yeah, yeah. I know it sounds cheesy but honestly? I love this woman to death.

I had her pushed against the wall now, kissing every part of her I could. The emotions rolling off of her were not unfamiliar, but they tasted every bit as sweet as the first time we did this.

I fingered with the buttons of her blouse, managing to get them all open before she shook her head. What—no? I whined quietly. "Why not?"

"Re—nes—mee," she gasped out in between long kisses.

"So?" I laughed. "She's probably used to it; I bet Bella and Edward make loads of noise."

Alice hit me playfully, and I replied by kissing her mouth again.

This is how we remained all night and well into the morning; making out in our brother's and sister's closet.

"Uhh, Alice? Jasper?"

Light filled the dark room. I hadn't realized how hot it had gotten in there until I felt the cool air flowing in.

Alice kissed me deeply one last time before crawling forward out of the closet.

Bella's voice. "You have sex hair."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Jasper and I were simply playing hide and seek."

"And lemme guess. He found you?"

I laughed and emerged to find Bella with Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie.

"Have fun, Jazz?" Emmett boomed. I nodded.

He and Edward crowed with laughter, and their wives shook their heads.

"Anyway…Thank you so much for doing this. The bears were amazing. I hope she didn't give you two too much trouble," Bella said when they were quieter.

"Oh of course not," Alice replied. "She was great."

"Yeah," I chimed in. "Never was there a dull moment."

Edward and Emmett irrupted with laughter again, but I ignored them.

"I'm sure we'll be hearing lots of stories," Bella said.

We nodded, and Alice grabbed my hand and began pulling me towards the door.

"Umm, if you ever need a babysitter, Bells, you know where to find me," I said. She nodded and smiled, thrilled that I actually enjoyed myself despite my earlier feelings.

We were just outside the door when I heard, "Hey, Jazz, if a kid asks Nessie to play hide and seek with them and she doesn't know how, make sure you teach her the _real_ game, not the Alice-and-Jasper version."

"Dude! That's what she said!" More laughter.

I chose to ignore them.

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